Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
