Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
