So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would ride that face into the sunset
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
