PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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