I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
