They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
