i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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