his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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