Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
