i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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