so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
