I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
