she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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