Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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