so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
