i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
