so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
