FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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