Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
