So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
