Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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