Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
