Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
