new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
