So drunk its hurt
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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