He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Screwed.edu
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
