On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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