i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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