I faked an abortion last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
