im drinking this country out of the recession.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
