You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
