when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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