Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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