she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
