It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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