Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
