My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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