First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
