remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
