Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
