I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
