it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
