im holly from the hills drunk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
