there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
