I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
