Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
