My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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