im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
