I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
