How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
