Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
