census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
