i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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