when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
