Can i not drive my cunt home
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
